Number 16. Starbucks could let us play mini fucking golf, I mean, if they give a fuck about us
Number 15. Bookstores could let us exercise on elliptical machines while we read Britney fucking Spears’ book about her goddamn grievances
Number 14. Your workplace could let you and other employees play table fucking tennis and motherfucking croquet, even at the police station
Number 13. How would you like to go to a restaurant and they don't give you your food after you burn off some motherfucking calories? I think that would be great for my crippling vanity
Number 12. You know where a good place to work out on a rowing machine would be? A goddamn strip club, that's where
Number 11. You know what TJ Maxx and Ross are missing? Motherfucking aerobics
Number 10. I want to ride a zipline at Walmart and Target and Costco. Let me see capn crunch from the sky
Number 9. You know where a good place to get a fucking massage would be? The gas station, just you and your masseuse and your sweet ass Rolls Royce
Number 8. I've got four words for you: Dollar store karaoke. motherfucker
Number 7. Hospitals and medical offices need to get rid of those busted ass basic walls and hire some goddamn middle schoolers to paint some shit up in there
Number 6. How come Target and Lowe's don't have speed dating yet? What the fuck is that about?
Number 5. I bet I could learn some dream manifestation during yoga and meditation class at my goddamn bank
Number 4. You know what would be great? Riding a fucking pogo stick and doing a hoolahoop in those long ass lines at the post office
Number 3 I bet you'd like to play some motherfucking laser tag while you're waiting for your stupid goddamn car at the mechanic, wouldn't you
Number 2 Why don't HOAs have street festivals with homemade food and crafts and yard sales and shit, every Saturday morning? I'd eat that shit up. I want some fresh ass cookies, Susan
And Number 1 Have you ever heard of key parties? That's where you put your keys in a bowl, and then you have sex with whoever's keys you pull out of the bowl. Don't you think that would be a fun bonding exercise at the grocery store? Key me up baybee.
What if hell is not hot? What if hell is freezing?
I'm only asking this because I am much more miserable when I'm freezing than when I am burning up.
I know this makes me a certain kind of person because there are lots of people who prefer the cold to the heat.
Personally, I think those people are out of their fucking minds.
As long as I have thought about hell, I have imagined that if it existed, it wouldn't necessarily be hot or cold.
I would think that hell would be more about the constant torturing of every atom of your body.
Like, let's say you were in hell. I feel like every one of your atoms would be constantly electrocuted while also being subjected to a massive change in temperature constantly.
In other words, hell would seem to be a place where you would be at maximum discomfort, and that would necessitate your being frozen all the time and burning up all the time, not just one or the other.
I don't really believe that there is a hell.
However lately, I have been wondering if our life on this Earth is hell, because nothing is ever right.
Did you ever watch that TV show called “The Good Place?”
SPOILER ALERT:
On “The Good Place," the main characters are always unhappy but always striving to be happy, and everything that is kind of good is not great, such as the lack of ice cream, however they do have frozen yogurt.
It's like they are constantly being tortured because of their hopes and desires for a better existence in a place that will never give that to them.
I feel like life on Earth is much like the life of the main characters on "The Good Place.” We are ever striving toward a perfect temperature and a perfect comfort and a perfect excitement and a perfect love and a perfect friendship and a perfect job and a perfect sleep and a perfect orgasm and a perfect meal and a perfect face and a perfect body and a perfect everything.
We are all competing for unachievable values. How is that not hell?
I am well aware of friends of mine who will say that they are not seeking perfection but that they just want things to be good enough. I'm not sure I believe them. I mean, I guess if your life is crappy enough then you are praying for a fairly average life, or a life featuring less suffering.
So maybe they are telling the truth.
Anyway, my whole point is that I have been thinking about the temperature of my life in the wintry desert of Las Vegas, and I am constantly cold here.
I love Las Vegas, because it's the only place I have ever felt like I was home, other than Amsterdam. I love tourist towns because people are on their best behaviors as out-of-control hedonists who are fairly carefree and who talk to strangers and want to have a lot of sex and drugs and booze and sleep … so I don't know how that's not the perfect existence which happens only on vacation for most people.
Wait, I got off track.
So I have been thinking about how cold it gets here in Las Vegas, and how I can't get any work done when it gets cold.
So I have my central heater on 81 degrees Fahrenheit, and I have a space heater on, and I'm wearing fuzzy socks and cozy pajamas and a shirt and a hoodie.
It takes just a tremendous amount of heat and clothes to get my atoms warm enough so that I can even move around and get things done.
This is dumb.
But there's nothing I can do about it except continue to try to heat myself up all the damn time.
So I am laying here as a finally warm human being and I am contemplating the existence of a hell afterlife.
I do not want to go to hell, even though I don't believe in hell (unless it's life on Earth), and I just feel like hell is a cold motherfucking place, but also a hot place, but also a place where you get electrocuted all the time.
I guess I'm saying hell is the opposite of Las Vegas which would make Las Vegas … heaven?
Female perspective expert Ellen Ziegler was sitting on her couch when her worst date started peeling away his toenails on her couch. Take a guess as to whether she went on another date with this guy. I went out with a woman who did nothing but fart all the time and then tell me that she was farting all the time. Take a guess as to whether I'm still dating Fart Girl. Here we are, and it's the future of dating. We have all of these dating apps. We meet people in the real world all the time. And for some reason, we're all still single. Ellen and I talk about all this (on this new episode of my “Haha Dick" podcast), and we come to some conclusions: One. Many women want a man who isn't just a provider but can keep up with his woman financially, so that they are on relatively even levels. Two. Many women want men to show up in the relationship and give as well as they get. What's funny about this to me is that I am looking for the same qualities in my future partners. I don't necessarily want someone who is rich or poor, and I don't want someone who is unavailable or pining over some god-awful ex. I feel like there are universal qualities that we're all looking for in partners of any gender, and those qualities can be summed up very succinctly: We want someone who has a similar sex drive, and a similar money drive, and a similar worldview, and we want other similar things. I know that sounds basic and obvious. But honestly, what a lot of us want is someone who reminds us of ourselves in a way. Or, we want someone who reminds us of ourselves in most ways. I've often said that if I could clone myself then I would marry myself. And the reason is that I have been in many relationships with many people and I have come to the conclusion that I am a very good partner and if I could find someone who's as good of a partner as me then I would settle down with that person for the rest of my life. And in the meantime, we're all on these stupid dating apps, and we're all meeting people in the aisles of stores, and we're going to bars and restaurants and Facebook events and all this other stuff in search of someone who will make us feel less lonely and less desperate. Another stupidly funny thing to me is that we all get lonely and desperate so we end up in relationships we shouldn't be in, and then time passes and we have to break up, and then we get sad or angry or whatever emotion is required of that specific breakup. And then we have to start that process all over again. It's kind of fun but also kind of sucky. Love is a numbers game, and we have to meet as many people as we can. It's like my Nana always told me: There are plenty of fish in the sea, and you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince. I've gone out with 33 people this year and I have had sex with a lot of them and I ended up in long-term relationships with none of them. But oh what fun I've had. For real. What I'm getting at is this: I'm on the market. If you're looking for a man like me, then let me know you're available too. Here's my Bumble profile, are you ready?: I'm not your provider. I'm a fun, funny, handsome, sexy genius. I'm the greatest writer who'll ever live. I own a house. I'm sane, stable, healthy: Physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually, intellectually, and socially. I'm the world's greatest domineering lover. But I'm not your provider. xoxo Subscribe to Haha Dick on your podcast apps, and on YouTube: https://youtube.com/@DougElfman #comedy #podcast #vlog
The worst thing that's happened to Las Vegas in a while is this stupid F1 Formula 1 race, and I don't know a single person who is happy about it.
Las Vegas Boulevard has been ripped up for months.
Driving to anywhere on the Strip has been a nightmare for most of 2023.
The last time I was at the Paris hotel to dine with a lover, it took us an hour to drive there, and the Strip smelled like tar, and all I could hear at times were these giant road-ripping-up machines.
If you don't live in Las Vegas, and if you see any positive media coverage of F1’s effect on Vegas, I strongly suggest not believing that media outlet about anything ever again, because F1 sucks hardcore.
I say all this as Las Vegas’ biggest (honest) cheerleader. I've lived all around America, and Vegas is my favorite city. That's why I'm still here.
Vegas is a 24/7 town, so we have bars and clubs and restaurants that are open all the time.
But 24/7 also means Vegas is one of the only places in the entire world where you can drive to a store and rent a carpet cleaner at 4 in the morning.
Plus, we have the friendliest people in the country, and the hardest workers around.
That's why our population has exploded up to 3 million people.
I mean, we had that terrible Mandalay Massacre six years ago, and people are still flocking here nonetheless.
Why?
Because Vegas is freedom, and Vegas is like a Disneyland for Adults (no affiliation with Disney, it's just a metaphor that fits).
We have America's biggest swinger place in the Red Rooster, and we have other swinger places like the Green Door, and strip clubs like Crazy Horse 3 and the Spearmint Rhino, and you can get handjobs on Spring Mountain, and you can smoke weed, and go to world-class restaurants and shopping malls and dayclubs and nightclubs that earn $100 million a year, and Cirque shows, and concerts.
But that's all just the above-ground stuff.
Underground Vegas has even crazier things, from illicit drugs to off-the-tax-rolls sex workers, and even secret illegal restaurants.
But my beautiful city has its downsides, just like any city.
We had that Mandalay Massacre. Gun culture is dumb here, with machine gun ranges, and a recent case where a bachelorette had a guy in her room who allegedly shot her pillow, and a guy this week allegedly shot at middle schoolers, and sometimes you'll see a guy in a grocery store with a gun on his belt, and the hotels haven't installed metal detectors.
What's more, a lot of people work three jobs to make ends meet.
Traffic's getting worse.
And now we have this stupid fucking F1 race thing messing up our roads and our aura and the visitor experience and the locals experience.
So if you're thinking of heading to Vegas for vacation or to live here, do yourself a favor and keep your eye on Vegas social media, and maybe don't come until the whole F1 apparatus is gone. Not just the race, but the ripped-up streets, and the tar machines, and all this awfulness.
I've started a new podcast called Haha Dick, and it's just this silly fun thing to brighten your day. I don't know what it'll turn into over time.
I've always wanted to do a daily three-hour podcast, and sign a $300 million deal with Spotify, and change the course of human history, but ... but that's what everyone wants, isn't it?
So instead, currently, episode one is just me doing a sort of comedy news thing for 20 minutes or so, about Kanye, Britney, Taylor, Will Smith, and my own therapy.
It'll start showing up on whatever podcast app you use, just search for Haha Dick, but it's also on YouTube.
Please subscribe and like and share and leave funny comments all the time.
I found my latest potential lover on a barstool in a place where drinks come cheap, and laughs come cheaper. We smiled. I found hope in their sly charm. But then they looked away at their phone and my heart sank and I wondered:
Will love be or never be?
I'm always looking and searching and talking and flirting.
Love is a numbers game
You meet one
You meet another.
They don't blend in a blur. They are each one of them a separate point in a pointillism picture. And I have to decide where the soul mate sits among a maze of dots.
I don't think of human beings as dots, of course. I certainly don't frame my future betrothed as a point.
Nonetheless …
Love is a numbers game.
I shuffle the cards.
I roll the dice.
I have no poker face.
I'm hoping to hit a blackjack, to hear "jackpot," to see the slots roll 777. But this is just another rude way of thinking about love and lust in the desert, in a gambling city where strangers mingle, where love is a jingle, and I'm always singing its tune:
"Where are they? Where are they? Where are they?"
When I was young, I saw a movie with a song which pops into my head at random, it goes:
"Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight, someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight."
Where is my lover now?
Why are they not with me?
Have they not heard this song?
Love is a numbers game, and I place my bet on the roulette, and I watch the wheel spin 'round, waiting for my luck to hit.
Why is there not a bridge of lighting arching across the universe between them and me, between me and them, zapping us together?
Why does it take so long for our numbers to pair?
You'd think the universe would be kind enough to solve this puzzle, so that we, the lovers, fit together at last, so we can laugh about the other broken puzzles we've shaken into pieces scattered in a box under the bed.
I'm keeping my home clean.
I make the bed every day.
There's food in the fridge.
The sinks are clean.
There's one toothbrush.
In the scene of my home, there awaits a second toothbrush, extra slippers, more pajamas, pretty smells, the call of love and nurturing and laughs and passion and intimacy and pillows and sleep and comfort and waking and coffee and mornings on the porch, and evenings on the balcony, while hummingbirds sing in the tree in the yard, and the sunshine rises and the sunshine sets in our eyes, in the future.
Love is a numbers game, my love, come find me, quick as you can.
I spent two hours playing with artificial intelligence machinery online and creating women in various states of happiness and crying and being crazy or manipulative.
I didn't really put in very many different style guides such as "make a photograph in the style of some particular artist."
For the most part, I just said, "Create a beautiful woman wearing a choker made of diamonds, or maybe with a gold circle on the front signifying that she is a submissive, and put her in a white dress, and give her curly hair, and make her very beautiful."
Sometimes I said, "Make her the most beautiful girl who ever lived."
And then occasionally, I would change up the hair color and skin tone.
Once I realized I was getting mostly white women back, I thought, "Oh I need to try some different skin tones, because I don't want just a bunch of white ladies."
And then the party guests that I called for in the background were coming in at mostly white, but there's a little bit of a diversity, and then eventually I said, " OK, just make the party guests diverse," because I realized that the software wasn't going to do that itself, because artificial intelligence doesn't think in terms of what it's going to get in trouble for.
However, there is one thing that artificial intelligence thinks it's going to get in trouble for and that is sexuality.
So occasionally I would say, "I want to see this woman's whole body," and then the software would come back and say, "I can't do that because that's dirty and you're a filthy pervert."
And then I would go, "OK look, I'm not trying to make her nude (even though I don't think there'd be anything wrong with that either). I just want to see the whole woman from her head to her toes. Like, I want to see a woman in a dress and shoes and I want the whole body in the image."
And whenever I told the artificial intelligence to do this, it would tell me I was a pervert because it thought words like "full body" meant nude, or perhaps it's possible that when the artificial intelligence goes for a search for "full body," it gets results of nudity or something. And then it thinks I'm a dirty person and then I feel like I'm on trial for wanting to see a woman in a dress.
And I feel like that old Kafka-esque movie, I think it's called "The Trail" or something, where this guy gets put in prison for no real reason, or he's not sure what he's done. They won't tell him what he's done. And that's basically what the Internet is at this point, you know, the giant corporations that run everything like Google and Apple and Microsoft and Facebook and blah blah blah, they've all (for the most part with a few exceptions) decided that, you know, we cannot even have PG rated things anymore, and I'll give you a good example of this:
Even though there are bikini women in these images, when I said, "Show me a woman in a bikini," it would tell me that I was a pervert and that I am the worst person who's ever lived.
And I just think like, well .. OK look … all right …
I'm using Bing to do this, and I could go to Bing Images and type in "show me a woman totally nude, show me all of her with everything open wide," and it will show me those images.
But this AI art, you know, I can't tell it to just put a woman in a bikini?
Or you're not going to show me a woman who's head to toe in a white dress with shoes on?
I mean.
Now, the other thing that's amazing to me is probably the same thing that's amazing to you:
These images look pretty spectacular. And it's hard for me to really complain because these were entirely free.
All I did was, I just went into the Bing image generating AI thing, whatever it's called, I don't know.
And then I just said, "Hey create a photo or a photo illustration in the style of an oil painting or digital photo or something," and a lot of times I wouldn't say in the style of anything. I just clicked a button and all of a sudden here's like the world's most beautiful fake woman with tears and a choker and curly beautiful hair and she's at a party with people.
And what I realized immediately is that what's going to happen eventually is there will be no more movies really made or put out or … or maybe they will. They will still be making movies and TV shows, but you know what?
What will also happen is you will just stand in front of your TV or your phone or your tablet or your laptop or Oculus and then you'll go like:
"Hey. Create an hour and a half action adventure movie about the future where it's a dystopia blah blah blah."
You're going to give AI all these values and then some movie is just going to be rendered on the fly for you.
And it's going to have moving characters, and it's going to have dialogue and it's going to have explosions.
It's not going to have any sex in it, of course, because this is America, and if you want to blow someone's head off that's fine apparently, but if you want to show someone in a bikini, that's X-rated because America's become some kind of dysfunctional place where we value violence over sexuality.
And you know what's really frustrating to me about this is the entire reason the human race is even persisting is because of sex, you know, like you can take away a certain amount of food and you can take away all kinds of shelter.
But guess what, the human race will die without sex.
And that's the thing that we have outlawed.
We have this worldwide thing where the birth rate's going down. Well, guess what. It's because culture's so anti-sex.
Then you go, "But what about all the sex that I see on the internet or on HBO or in my DMs? I mean, I get all kinds of people sending me awesome videos and photos in my DMs of them masturbating or having sex and I would like to applaud them for doing that because the more, the better. If you have photos and videos of yourself having sex, please send them my way because I'm not a prude.
I was watching this show last night and there was a thing at the beginning and it said, "Hey, warning, this contains self-harm." But then there wasn't a warning that told me there was going to be a bunch of murder. And I'm like:
OK, so why are you showing me murder if you're so worried about self-harm?
Maybe you should be worried about murder too.
Anyway, OK, so all I wanted to get at is in the future, you're going to be able to just tell something to make a movie. It's going to make it for you, for free or for five dollars or something. You're probably going to be able to do that with porn and video games, then you're going to have an Oculus on your head and it's all going to be integrated and you're going to be interacting with it, and we're all going to be plugged into the matrix.
Look at these AI images. This is the beginning of the matrix.
Anyway, I love you very much and I hope you're having a really great day. Go have some fun with some images.
When I was a kid, I was in love with Martina Navratilova, not romantically, but just as a viewer who would watch her, and I couldn't believe her athleticism, she was incredible in the way that Michael Jordan later would be incredible to watch too.
I was so into Martina Navratilova, I went to the store, and I sat in an aisle, and I read her book, because I didn't have the money to buy it, and it was about how she ate to win. I forget what it was called. It might have been called "Eat to Win." I can't remember.
But she was like: "Here's how I eat before I go exercise and before I win at tennis," and it was all about carb-loading, she was always eating spaghetti and breads and all this stuff. And so that's what I did.
I started eating all these carbs, heavy carbs, and they were delicious, and I got fat and so, it wasn't all her fault. I'm not trying to blame her. I'm just saying that that's how much I loved Martina. She was inspirational to me.
But that's over now, and that's over because she's been publicly going against trans women.
Now I don't know a ton about the trans issue, but I do think about the empathy that some people don't have for trans people. And this is what I would want to say to Martina Navratilova:
Martina Navratilova, imagine if you were born as Martina Navratilova and then you're like:
"I'm a woman," and you're walking around, you're thinking "I'm a woman" and then you look in the mirror or you look down at your body and you're like, "But I'm in the shell of a man," and then you're like, "Oh my god why do I have this man suit on? Because I'm a woman, I'm clearly a woman." And then you try to go play tennis and then they go, "Sorry, Martina Navratilova, you can't go play tennis in the women's field because even though you say you're a trans woman, that is just not going to fly."
You know what I mean? Like, think about how crushed you would be. That's the thing. I think there's this disconnect with certain kinds of people. They don't understand the empathy of what it must be like to look at your body and think: "OK I look like one sex or one gender, but internally I know I'm this other gender."
And then you have bigoted people like Martina Navratilova and J.K. Rowling and other people (I don't mean to pick on those two women, I just am more disappointed in them because I used to like what they gave to the world.)
I just don't understand the anti-trans thing.
I don't get it.
I am not trans and I'm not a woman so I don't feel like I have a complete grasp on the emotionality of all of it.
But what I do understand empathetically is:
Why attack human beings who just want to live their lives?
I don't get that. I don't understand.
Imagine then all of a sudden you have some role model, like Martina Navratilova or J.K. Rowling publicly attacking you. All the time.
What Martina Navratilova and J.K. Rowling are doing is a form of bigotry, in my mind.
Imagine you like Harry Potter. Imagine you love Martina Navratilova. And yet you're a trans person and they're attacking you. That can't feel good.
And I don't know why people like Martina Navratilova and J.K. Rowling and other people are bigots. Were they just born with some part of their brain where they don't empathize with people?
I continue to empathize with J.K. Rowling and Martina Navratilova as human beings. I also think they're wrong and I think they're making the world worse.
I'm not saying I'm an expert on any of this stuff. I'm just a normal human being and I just don't understand it. I don't understand this.
But I do know that the next time I eat spaghetti, I am not going to be thinking about Martina Navratilova except very negatively.
It's not every day you get to interview a gangbang queen butt every now and then you get lucky and you just happen to run into a gangbang queen at a porn convention in Las Vegas where she's wearing wings and answering all of your questions about all of the sexual things that she likes and how she met her husband in the military on a base where she had a lot of sex with a lot of people. So here you go. Enjoy today's interview with Ray Ray.
I forgive myself … for what? List 12 things I forgive myself for, not just things that were my fault but also things that were absolutely not my fault, just to see how it feels to let them go.
If today were my birthday, what would I do and say and think and feel and want and plan and be?
How will I live for today and plan for tomorrow?
What do I fear losing today?
What will I accomplish today?
What am I becoming?
What do I not want to become? What do I refuse to do or compromise? And how much will I not bend or melt to fit someone else's molding and sculpting?
Can I remain my authentic self while also trying to be extraordinary? Will the act of trying to change my life and make life more extraordinary, will that lead me to manipulating myself into some form that I don't want to become?
Picture myself being 220 years old and looking back at this exact moment. Now what is that Future Me (or Deathbed Me) telling me to do and behave and act and be today, this minute? And what will Future Me tell me what the purpose of now is? And what will Future Me tell me is today's direction and goal?
How incredible will I be today in order not to become a bottom-feeder again so that I don't throw myself in the garbage with dumb ugly losers again?
How incredibly will I adhere to my mindset and setting today?
Will I love myself unconditionally all day and night, today?
SAGE PILLAR (looking at her butt on a screen behind her): I'm probably going to keep looking at my butt.
SEX DORK: You can do it. You like your butt?
SAGE PILLAR: I like my butt, yeah!
SEX DORK: How many orgasms do you have a day typically?
SAGE PILLAR: When I do it, I have a lot, like three or four, or maybe more sometimes.
SEX DORK: Oh you're multi-orgasmic.
SAGE PILLAR: Yeah I have a lot, and the more I do it, it's almost easier to keep doing it. Like once I start squirting, I'm going to keep squirting. I just keep going and going. I barely even get that sensitive thing that people get after they cum. I just want to keep going.
SEX DORK: I've heard that referred to as cum drunk.
SAGE PILLAR: I definitely have gotten there, like I've gotten fucked silly. Like even with the first guy I ever fucked, I was so young. But yeah I've definitely experienced being fucked silly, like, "Dang, I want to do that again!"
SEX DORK: What has porn done for you, like what has been the great part of porn for you?
SAGE PILLAR: Just doing what I love and meeting people like me, people who are also nymphomaniacs. Just meeting people who can relate to me. I feel like I can finally fit in. I'm doing what I've always wanted to do but was just too scared to do. I was afraid of what society thought and my parents would think. Now I just kind of do what makes me happy. I'm really glad I have. Yeah it's been great.
SEX DORK: What was the moment where you were like: "I'm going to jump. I'm going to take this dive. I'm going to do it."
SAGE PILLAR: A couple of years ago, (a porn company) contacted me and I said: "No, I'm too new and too scared. I'm not ready for that." And then a couple of years later, after doing all the bondage and custom videos I'd made with my girlfriends — and just how much I love sex — I was just like: "Why not, you know? There's no reason not to get paid more for doing what I love."
SEX DORK: Did you just go: "I don't care what friends or anybody thinks?"
SAGE PILLAR: Yeah pretty much. And I have really good friends so I wasn't too worried they would judge me, thankfully.
SAGE PILLAR: I would like to win an award, like an AVN award. I want to be good at the job. I'd like to be recognized for working hard.
SEX DORK: Several women have told me they want recognition and that they're not necessarily interested in being a millionaire or something.
SAGE PILLAR: Yeah, definitely. I don't need to be a millionaire but I'd like to make enough money. We want to get a bus or something and renovate it. So I just want to be able to do that and just live happily and relax and not be struggling.
SEX DORK: Bondage is so big now.
SAGE PILLAR: Yeah it is. I just love all the fetishes and stuff. Like all the different ones. I just love to do them to keep it exciting. Like "eating people," I love it. Popping balloons.
SEX DORK: Oh you're a balloon popper. Nice.
SAGE PILLAR: Yeah.
SEX DORK: What is your masturbation routine?
SAGE PILLAR: I look at Twitter lately and I get super turned on from the Twitter stuff and then I have to go look up the girl that I found on Twitter, find her porn, and then I just go from there. I always use my vibrator. I love clit action. It needs to be stimulated. And I like glass toys too. So I'll use my vibrator with my glass toy or a regular toy. SEX DORK: Do you know the brand of vibrator you use?
SAGE PILLAR: I use my Domi and I want a Hitachi. I don't have one. But the Domi is where it's at.
SEX DORK: Yeah a lot of women tell me they do the Hitachi.
SAGE PILLAR: Yeah it's amazing. I want as much force as I can get honestly. Just a steady speed. None of that "er … er … er" bullshit. But "ERRRRRR!"
SEX DORK: So do you do it on your back or your stomach?
SAGE PILLAR: I'm usually on my back but sometimes I do it on my stomach too and it's really nice. I had somebody on my cam show the other day have me lay right on my stomach and put the vibe there and I squirted. It was amazing.
SEX DORK: How long have you been squirting?
SAGE PILLAR: Since probably a few years. I was actually texting with this guy and then I was taking pictures for him and vibing and then that's when it happened. So I took a picture and it happened. I sent it to this guy I was texting with. It was great.
SEX DORK: So if it were your birthday, I want to try to piece together the perfect birthday for you.
SAGE PILLAR: It doesn't have to be too crazy. I like cake, you know? And ice cream.
SEX DORK: I like how wholesome that is.
SAGE PILLAR: I would like to see my family. I like karaoke. We can go to karaoke and get pizza.
SEX DORK: What's your karaoke song?
SAGE PILLAR: I sing Nirvana and the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Blondie.
SEX DORK: Fantastic. What is the key to good kissing?
SAGE PILLAR: Not too much tongue. And the tongue-sucking thing is nice. I like a lot of lips and a little bit of tongue.
SEX DORK: What happens if you don't cum enough for a while, do you get grumpy at all?
SAGE PILLAR: Yeah I do! Actually I really do. I'm like: "It's been too long, am I not sexy enough? Like what is going on? I need to get off." Even if it's just been three days, I'm like: "Dude. Do you not want me?" Haha. And I'm really horny.
SEX DORK: Three days is a long time.
SAGE PILLAR: Yeah, I'm glad you agree.
SEX DORK: I've noticed you have both nipples pierced. I used to have both nipples pierced and what I found out is a lot of people stop after one because it's so painful. So if you have two nipples pierced, you are a very strong person.
SAGE PILLAR: Yeah I guess so. I wanted to go through with it all the way. I like the way it looks. I have my pussy pierced too. But I don't have the piercing in right now.
SEX DORK: How much did that hurt?
SAGE PILLAR: It kind of felt like a cross between the nipple and the belly ring. It felt like maybe it was a slightly longer pain than the nipple pain. So that was what was similar to the belly pain.
SEX DORK: So which one was worse?
SAGE PILLAR: I think the nipples were the worst honestly. The nipples were so ouch. I hear that it might be more painful for men. They do have tinier nipples. It was like a hole punch. Like shocking, you know?
SEX DORK: It's shocking! So is there anything I forgot to ask you or that you want to say?
SAGE PILLAR: Not really. I just hope that anybody watching has a fantastic night and they enjoyed it. And yeah that's all I got. SEX DORK: What do you want your fans to do?
SAGE PILLAR: I want my fans to watch my videos. They're on a bunch of places. PornHub, Reality Kings, Reality America.
SEX DORK: And when they find you online what do you want them to do?
SAGE PILLAR: Jerk off!
SEX DORK: Where do you want them to cum?
SAGE PILLAR: Everywhere. Wherever they want. My tits. Face. Inside me.
You know why I'm making nonsensical noises like that with my tongue?
I'm replacing an intrusive thought and I'm replacing a rumination.
I was just going about my happy day and then suddenly I had a flashback to some horrible abusive person who was in my life, and a traumatic memory of what they were doing to me a while back.
That's called an intrusive thoughts, or a rumination.
I like to live in the here-and-now, and I try to have a fantastic life.
So I was like:
"I don't want this terrible person in my head. How can I get this person out?"
A therapist will tell you to get rid of your intrusive thoughts and get rid of your ruminations.
A rumination is a word for when a cow chews and chews like "mrowmrowmrow."
But a rumination is also when you're thinking and thinking and thinking about something, and this overthinking ruins your life a little.
And so, therapists will tell you to get rid of that ruminating intrusive thought in a variety of ways, like by adding distractions, or with exercise.
And then the mindfulness people will tell you to try to observe the thought objectively, to try to observe this horrible person memory and just pull yourself out of that moment emotionally or whatever.
That might help you.
But you know what's helping me lately, is every now and then, once a day or two, I'll think about some horrible person who was in my life, a traumatic, terrible human being, and then I'll be like:
"Ldldldld!"
I'll make that sound with my tongue like how a child makes crazy sounds with their mouths and tongues.
I'll do it in my head silently.
If I'm driving and there's someone in the seat next to me and I do it out loud with my tongue, they might think I've lost my mind and say:
"Hey, let's go to the hospital."
So try it in your head first, or try it out loud alone, like:
"Oh my God, somebody's in my head. It's an intrusive thought! It's a rumination!"
And then go:
"Ldldldld!"
And keep doing it until they're gone from your thoughts.
You'll probably laugh at yourself like I laugh at myself when I do this.
And the laughter is super great for evicting that rumination, at least for a bit.
Get your life back!
You know you want to enjoy your happy life.
And so what I'm saying is, you can do lots of things to get the pain away, and sometimes what you have to do to get the pain away is:
"Ldldldld!"
It doesn't have to be the same sound I make.
You can make up your own nonsensical sounds!
Try it. I love you. I hope you're having a very healthy and happy sane day with no jerks in your life!
EM INDICA: Oh my gosh. I really want to be tied up and just used by a lot of different people — men, women, in-between (any gender), doesn't matter.
I'm a huge service person. So I like pleasing other people. I feel like that would be really fun, and they can do stuff to me, too. I think it would be super hot.
SEX DORK: What's the maximum number of people that you would like?
EM INDICA: Probably in total, probably max 10 people. Any more, it's just going to get a little chaotic and hard to manage.
And I still want the focus to be kept on me.
SEX DORK: And how long is a perfect session?
EM INDICA: I'm going to say maybe anywhere from an hour to two, to give enough time for everything that I would probably want to do.
So I do really like foreplay, you know, taking it easy, slow and easing into it. It's super hot to me.
I can cum a lot. Maybe probably like 10 times in an hour.
SEX DORK: How long does it take you to come by yourself?
EM INDICA: Five minutes. I mean, even with a partner, I can finish pretty quickly. It also depends on what we're doing.
I can't finish from just penetration. I have to have some clitoral stimulation too. It all just depends.
SEX DORK: What is your aftercare?
EM INDICA: I like cuddles. I like when people give me bubble baths. That's super fun, watching movies, just eating snacks, you know, getting head pats and that kind of stuff.
Rope play — I'm into Shibari and that kind of tied stuff. Yeah, I'm super into being tied.
SEX DORK: When did you get started in rope play?
EM INDICA: I got tied for the first time probably a couple of months ago, almost a year. I'm close with someone who does all my rope and photography stuff.
SEX DORK: What is the feeling that you get when you're tied up?
EM INDICA: So I'm a very anxious person, as is. I have constant anxiety.
But when I'm tied up, it gives a certain pressure, especially when it's on my chest. It's almost like a weighted blanket in a way.
It gives me a certain pressure to make me just feel very safe and very calm and very secure, I guess.
SEX DORK: The freedom from making choices?
EM INDICA: Yes. Absolutely. You definitely have to let go and you definitely have to trust the other person to be able to do that. But yeah it's super liberating, super freeing.
SEX DORK: If somebody was going to get into it, what is your main advice?
EM INDICA: Don't just go to some random person to tie you up, because it's just so dangerous. It's a very vulnerable position and very vulnerable for your mind.
So definitely do your research, maybe go and check out clubs that do tying. They're usually open to the public so go and check those out.
But yeah, I would mainly just look for people that are reputable and seem like they know what they're doing. And always ask other people for references and that kind of stuff. That is just so important.
SEX DORK: What else are you into?
EM INDICA: I like to say, what am I not into really? Because I have a lot of kinks. I'm a pleasure person. I just like doing a lot of different things.
I think the only thing I don't really do is anal, but other than that, pretty much anything is on the table. Yeah. Yeah.
SEX DORK: What is your masturbation ritual?
EM INDICA: Usually, I like using a magic wand and a glass dildo. That's the combo for me. It does it for me.
SEX DORK: Everybody I ask says the Hitachi Wand.
EM INDICA: Yeah they're magical. I mean, there's a reason why they're so popular.
SEX DORK: So what are other sex toys or lubes that you can't live without?
EM INDICA: I love Cum Lube. I think it's just a mental thing for me because I like being creampied. So I love Cum Lubes and stuff like that.
And again, glass dildos — I love glass dildos. I love how they feel. You can put them in the fridge and make them super cold too and do some temperature play.
Super fun.
SEX DORK: Do you like that hardness?
EM INDICA: I think it does have something to do with how it is firm. It hits my G-spot just like, really just right there.
Mine has bumps. It feels really good. Great textures.
SEX DORK: Have you started selling any of your stuff yet like your underwear or your socks?
EM INDICA: Yeah I sell my underwear. I sell pretty much anything. If people want it, I sell it.
SEX DORK: Have you had an easy time finding partners?
EM INDICA: Yeah, I've had a lot of great opportunities with a lot of great people. I think it's a little bit easier because I am a woman.
SEX DORK: Where do you want people to go to find you online?
EM INDICA: You can go follow me on Instagram, which is just Em dot Indica. Or Twitter, which is Em underscore Indica. Or my OnlyFans is just Em Indica.
All my platforms have my Linktree and it has all my links on it. So, if you can find one, you'll be able to find them all.
SEX DORK: What do you want people to do when they get there?
A lot of people over the years have asked me how it is I turned out to be very successful and a good person and all this stuff, and the main answer is this person right here.
My Nana.
This is my Nana. She would be 112 years old today. And she was a nurse, and she was head of nursing at a hospital in Little Rock, Arkansas.
She desegregated that hospital pretty much by herself back when they used to have a ward for white patients and a word for black patients.
One night she said there were just too many patients and she told her nurses:
"Fuck it, just put everybody in beds. I don't care. I don't want this segregation anymore."
So everybody desegregated that hospital that night. And then after that, the NAACP came to her and said something like:
We heard you desegregated this hospital and we're in the works with the Eisenhower Administration, or whoever, to desegregate the schools. And we wanted to ask you how you did this desegregation of this hospital.
Nana said:
I just did it and there was no blowback.
Well she probably didn't use the word blowback but whatever word was like blowback then.
So she couldn't be much help to the NAACP but she tried.
This is how amazing my grandmother was:
She was born 112 years ago. She had polio. She beat it with the help of her family who put hot rags around her legs constantly, because that's how you had to cure polio. I think they still do this. They put hot rags around your legs to straighten your legs or whatever.
After that, she grew up on a farm with 9 or 10 kids. She had to do all the farm stuff. Then she became a nurse and lived through World War II, and the Great Depression, and she saw the moon landing, and she saw computers, and she saw all this stuff happen in her lifetime.
But to me, I always think about Nana as having raised me, because my mother and my father took off. They didn't want to raise me. So they left when I was 4 years old, and again in the fourth grade, and then again a couple of years later.
I didn't see my dad for most of my entire childhood.
I didn't see my mother for more than half of my childhood.
But my Nana was there. She's the one who raised me along with my brother and sister.
Anyway, I want to talk about Nana because today would be her 112th birthday, and I'm sure she'd be very happy she's not here for it. She'd be very upset with Republicans.
Let me tell you something. She did not like Republicans. She would go:
Ohhh those Republicans, they're stinkers. They ought to be ashamed of themselves.
That's how she talked.
I would get home from school and we would watch the news together. And back then, Reagan was the president, and there was all this talk at the beginning of the Reagan years that he was going to get rid of Social Security for people like her who had put money into Social Security her whole life. Reagan thought Social Security was communism.
Anyway, she hated Reagan, and she hated Republicans.
She wasn't a very religious person but she would walk around the house humming all the time and I couldn't tell if she was humming hymns or something.
I knew she had a religion but she kept it to herself. She wouldn't want to talk anybody out of religion because she wasn't that person either.
My sister and I talk about Nanaisms, and one of the Nanaisms I remember the most is that she would go:
Everybody's entitled to their own stupid opinion.
Nana was not happy with my parents. Occasionally, we would be eating Cheetos and watching some movie together, and she would turn to me and go:
Douglas, do not turn out like your mother. Or: Douglas, do not turn out like your father.
Since she was a farm girl, she was always cooking farm food. So I woke up almost every single day of my high school years, I would be lying there, and I would wake up with a plate of food under my nose. Under my nose every morning. I would wake up to the smell of eggs and bacon and toast. Every single day. And I would go: Arg, arg, arg, and eat it.
And then Nana would go:
Douglas, get up and get out of bed and go to school and make something out of your life and be a productive member of society.
She was like a motivational speaker on top of everything else.
There was this other Nanaism where she would go:
Idle hands are the devil's workshop.
She was always trying to get people to do stuff. Like: Get up and go do stuff.
But the other thing is that Nana was a fun person too. She had no respect for televangelists, and every now and then we would be sitting at the table or in the living room, and she would walk up to us, and then she would put a palm of her hand on our forehead and then she'd gently push our forehead.
And then she would very quietly, like a televangelist, go:
You are healed.
And she would throw her head back when she'd go, "you are healed." All dramatic-like.
I was talking to my sister last night about the time I bought, for Nana's birthday, a Chippendales calendar. It was a calendar with all these naked men. Nana opened it up and she laughed so hard that she had to hold her dentures in. She always had these dentures, and she was always taking them out and putting them in, and taking them out and putting them in.
When she was older, she was walking around on these old polio legs that barely worked. She had two hearing aids. She went through a lot. She survived heart attacks and heart failure and all this stuff.
She would also do this thing we would get a kick out of where Nana would sometimes just be walking through the house and she would say this phrase from this old movie or song and it went:
What can you do with a drunken sailor?
And I think, since she was a nurse, she probably met quite a few drunken sailors in her day. I hope she had a fun life with sailors!
And then she would say all these other fun things like:
Ohhh it's colder than a well-diggers behind!
My sister says every time I quote Nana I go:
Ohhh!
But that's because she always said "Ohhh!" Like she would go:
Ohhh, it's time for lunch!
I very frequently talk about my Nana being my Obi-Wan Kenobi because everywhere I go, there she is.
She supported me all the time. My mom and dad never came to see me play violin in high school, even though I was an all-state violinist. I know you think all-state is just for sports but I was an all-state violinist. I got a scholarship, like I say all the time.
And my mom and dad never came to see me.
But my grandmother, with her polio legs, came to see me. This one time, she walked with me uphill for one mile, just like an apocryphal story but true, she came up to the high school and she watched me play first chair, first violin. She got the whole experience.
And she was so proud of me.
A few weeks after Nana died, I was sleeping, and then I woke up in the middle of the night, and I sat up, and I looked at the end of the bed, and there was Nana.
It was her face and then her body was more like a shell. It was this beautiful cream shell instead of a human body. And I looked at her. She didn't say anything. But I could hear her with her mind saying:
Everything's going to be all right.
Whether you believe she was a ghost, or whether you believe that was part of my psyche that night, that part doesn't matter.
What matters is:
Someone loved me that much that she saved my life.
So sometimes when I'm talking to friends of mine who are parents and they are upset because they haven't accomplished something in life, or they haven't done enough this, or enough that, but I know they're good parents, I always say:
Look, the important thing is you're a good parent and you're good at raising children.
I'm not here to talk about abortion or any other political issue.
I'm talking about people who are already alive in front of you: love them.
And make sure they know that you love them.
Don't be a welcome mat, and don't let them walk all over you.
But if you're going to have children, or if you're raising grandchildren, whoever you're raising, just do it the way you know you're supposed to.
Like Nana did.
Nana knew how to raise me and she raised me the right way.
Happy birthday Nana, I love you.
And I love you. I hope you're having the best Nana birthday you could possibly have.
NATALIE ROOT OF FANSUTOPIA.COM: To me, I think the funniest request (just because I'm a woman) is not them saying that they want dirty underwear or used dildos or custom videos.
The most disturbing thing to me is when they want a woman to wear something for so many days, because I put it into my head, thinking:
"I would not wear a sweaty panty for days at a time."
So I am just instantly cringing.
The girls, most of the time, they'll do anything else, but having to wear something for so many days is like the most disturbing thing.
For instance, one request was a guy wanted the woman to piss on it but then he wanted her to continue wearing the panties for days.
So it just seems like not the most comfortable thing.
I mean, as a woman, you can go camping and wear a panty for a day or two.
But when you're sweating and doing things, because they want all that aroma and juices in there, it's a lot.
Only a select few of my talent will wear things for a very long time, especially sweaty gym clothes.
Sometimes they want them to wear them multiple days in a row. So imagine wearing sweaty leggings for like three days in a row.
SEX DORK: I wonder if the fans just want that smell to linger as long as possible.
NATALIE ROOT: Of course, and that's why we vacuum seal our items.
So the second we receive the items, we vacuum seal to help give whatever aroma is left on that item once we receive it from the talent, to make it more of a special experience for them.
So if they get it and they don't want to open it right away, and they want to wait for the right time, they'll be able to do that.
SEX DORK: What are the different aromas that they're looking for, in addition to pussy juice?
NATALIE ROOT: Sweaty gym clothes, they want it to stink like you're going to gag.
They want it hardcore sweat, that's bigger than the pussy juice right now. That and a really stinky foot, is a big thing. They like it when the girls go hiking in it or running. They really just want it to be really strong, and sometimes it's so strong, I'm almost like, "I can't believe women could smell like this."
SEX DORK: I dated a sex worker who sold her own things, so she would wear socks five days in a row.
NATALIE ROOT: It's a hard thing to do that as a woman, especially when you're so used to changing outfits or if you're doing different scenes and you're running around day by day, it's very hard to wear the same item so often.
SEX DORK: So you don't get any requests for butt stuff other than butt plugs? Like butt sweat?
NATALIE ROOT: No, but also I feel like: How would you collect that?
Siri Dahl does sell vials of her actual sweat, but she's an avid bodybuilder. She weight lifts a lot. So she actually can produce the sweat in the vile.
But most of the people, I think it would be very hard just capturing a woman's cum in a vial. It's very difficult because it's so different than men's, the thickness of it.
SEX DORK: You could get creamier stuff.
NATALIE ROOT: Yes, but imagine trying to scoop it in a vile, because I've gone through this with a lot of them already. It's a little difficult, but we have sold it. Customers are happy.
SEX DORK: I've scooped that stuff but not fetishistically. Do they want other people's cum?
NATALIE ROOT: 100%. So one of them right now does OnlyFans. He's not mainstream porn. But he and his girlfriend are both on my website, so they do a lot of videos together.
They like to buy his boxers, or they want his cum on it, or they want him to piss on it, or they want something he's worked out in.
So that's on the man's side.
SEX DORK: What is the price range for all this?
NATALIE ROOT: Men-wse, his name is Tomas Skoloudik. So he's about like $40 and up.
Stars set their own pricing. So of course the bigger the talent, the more fans want their stuff. They're in control of their own pricing, so some talent is going to be cheaper than others, depending on how the buyers react to their stuff.
We do try to keep everything as affordable as possible.
SEX DORK: I went on Fans Utopia and I saw that you can get a butt plug for a thousand dollars?
NATALIE ROOT: No, no, no. It's about $100 for it.
See, the thing about my site is that I want everything to be very affordable for the talent. For the buyers, it's important they can afford everything. We want them to have their fans constantly coming back.
I never want to make like how some of these auctions charge so much money you can't obtain it. What's the fun in that?
I think everybody should be able to own something from their favorite porn star. But butt plugs are a very popular thing.
SEX DORK: Now when I looked at the most popular thing, it was like a thong.
NATALIE ROOT: Yeah, it's because certain stars are very specific about what items that they will sell.
Not everyone's willing to sell their fluids or their hair or retainers or whatever.
So some are very minimum about just panties, or bra and panties, or socks, or stuff like that.
So that's why panties are quite a hot seller. But so is the bra-panty combo, though.
So you get the best of both worlds.
SEX DORK: I feel like this is a pretty affordable collection.
NATALIE ROOT: Of course. I like doing my best, because I believe business-wise, if you have something priced so high, it's not always going to sell as quick.
If you make something affordable, people are going to keep coming back wanting to buy it.
And I feel that's just the best way to run my business and make it like that, because I have a lot of repeat buyers, and I'm glad that they trust me to get this merchandise, and that they keep coming back.
SEX DORK: Yeah I feel like there is a definitely like a service there, because there are poor people in sex work who will sell their own stuff. But I guess the advantage of going through you is … what?
NATALIE ROOT: So the bigger the star gets, the harder it is for them to be able to sell their own items.
For instance, I was just on the floor right now, talking to someone who's going to be signing up. And she said, the biggest thing is that she has all this stuff sitting around. She wants to get rid of it and she doesn't have the time to be able to pack it, to figure a way to process payments, to ship it.
And also to be able to keep herself safe of having that middle person.
So you know, her addresses and things are not on those items, and that's mostly why people sign up with me.
Whether they're already big in the industry right now and they know that it's very difficult for them, or whether they're new and they feel that they want to start off on the right foot of having someone else already handle it for them, they don't have to worry and they can focus more on growing their brand.
SEX DORK: What do you think the sleeper item is that you have that you think people are sleeping on. That they need to get. That they're overlooking.
NATALIE ROOT: I would say some of the vintage DVDs that some of these girls have, because they don't make those anymore, and especially if you're obsessed with Nikki Benz or Kenzie Taylor.
They're great pieces to have, in the collection, if you're already buying other memorabilia from them.
SEX DORK: What's it like to work with porn stars?
NATALIE ROOT: I think it's amazing. I will say compared to another business that I had — with the customer service, and the type of talent that it is — they're just so friendly and so eager to want to take different risks. And see what products sell.
It makes it fun every day to go to work.
And I also love being able to watch them grow as a brand, and that's so neat when you see different people from all over the world buying their stuff, and you know they're seeing my website and getting it.
But also it's because, you know, they're growing and rising as a star.
All right look, I want to talk about something today that a few people have been getting on my ass about, which is that I have blocked some people that I used to know.
I considered them to be my friends and now I don't consider them to be my friends.
And I blocked a bunch of other people who I was never really friends with in the first place. We were just acquaintances or something.
And so, I've had a couple of really close people that are friends of mine (friends that are like family members) who are like:
Why are you doing this? Why are you blocking people?
And I want to show you something that I learned in therapy about how to distinguish your real friends from other friends.
There are exactly six categories that I want to teach you about, and this is what my therapist taught me.
So once upon a time I was in therapy, and my therapist at the time, Joel (the greatest therapist ever), I was complaining to him about how some friend of mine was not being responsive to me or something.
And he goes:
"Doug, you have a very valuable lesson I'm going to teach you right now, and you're going to take this lesson with you for the rest of your life."
And he was right.
He was a kind of teaching therapist. It was like he was a therapist who was a professor of the brain and emotions and intellect, he was a genius, and he was really great.
And he fixed me in a lot of different ways.
So he gets up from his chair and he walks over to a whiteboard, and then he drew these six columns:
Friends
Acquaintances
Work friends
Frienemies
Enemies
Extended people
And he goes:
"See this friends column? You want to put everybody you know in the friends column."
And I was like:
"Yeah, that's true. I love people. I want everybody to be my friend, unless I'm sleeping with them and then they're my lover."
He was like:
"You can't do that. Doug, this is the problem that you're having, is that you think everybody's your friend. So when they don't act in a friendly manner to you, you're emotionally hurt. You get injured inside. And so we're going to teach you now the different categories that you need to start putting people in. Not all of them go in your friends group."
So you have your friends.
You have acquaintances.
You have work friends, who are not necessarily your friends, but sometimes they are your friends or they are acquaintances.
Then you have frenemies. These are people who pretend to be your friend, but they suck, and they do crap behind your back, such as flirt with your lover all the time in front of you, behind your back, or on social media. Or they try to get you in trouble at work. They're your friend to your face, or you go out and have drinks with them, but then all of a sudden, they're trying to get you fired for something you tweeted. Or any number of things like this makes someone a frienemy.
There's a guy in town, every time I see him, he's like, "Hey!" He's so nice to me … and everybody tells me what the guy has said and done behind my back. But we're in Las Vegas. In Las Vegas, it's a go along to get along town. You know, everybody's always pretending that we're all in this friends category — which I like! I still want everybody to be my friend!
If you're seeing this and you're like, "Doug, I want to be in your friends column, congrats, you're in my friends column. All you gotta do is just contact me every now and then say, "Let's go have a drink or food or chips and dip."
Anyway. So there is another category here: enemies. Now enemies is different than frenemies because a frenemy pretends to be your friend but they're an enemy.
An enemy, you see them and they're like: "Hey I hate you." They're just very upfront about it, or you see them and they just walk away or whatever. They're not pretending. They are your enemy.
I don't know if I have any enemies in town. I probably have enemies somewhere, but I don't know. All the enemies I have are frienemies.
And then you have extended people, like friends of friends, or you go out to a bar scene and then you get to know people, because they're in a scene. So they're not quite acquaintances, or something like that.
I don't have lovers on here, because this is about friends. This isn't about people you sleep with. I mean, I guess there could be a friends-plus category. You can make this categories list any way you want.
If you can still see my Facebook, or you can still see my Instagram, or if you still can text me and I text you back, then you're not blocked.
The people who are blocked, I don't like them or respect them or love them, and I tried to make them my friend. They're probably, like, "I thought we were friends." Okay. Well, then, they are just not good at being friends.
If you have a friend, or they claim to be a friend, and they're not treating you properly, then I strongly recommend you make this list.
I give people 8 million chances. I give people who I'm dating a million chances. I give people a lot of chances. So if I pull them out of the friend category and then I put them somewhere else? Hey man, I had a good reason for that.
Do your categories, figure out where people are, then you will know whether you could ask them to do stuff, or whether they're going to never contact you, or whether they're not going to be responsive to your texts, or your phone calls, or whatever it is.
Welcome to Aesthetic Airlines. If you look through your cabin window, you'll see signs of life below and infinity above. So sit back, relax in the soothing dark, and enjoy the sights and sounds of a flight well traveled.
Hey, what's up y'all? I asked you for questions for my "Ask Me Anything" and these are the questions you wanted me to answer.
1. How did I become the "Pandemic Playboy?"
I became the Pandemic Playboy because during quarantine, there were all these women and men, both, who were so alone and lonely.
And they just started sending me long, drunken messages.
I just kept getting all these messages and messages and messages.
And people wanted pictures and I was like:
"Well, I'll give you some pictures."
So I started making pictures and then sending them to people who were alone and lonely.
The next thing I know, I'm the Pandemic Playboy.
2. Why are you so adorable?
How do you mean? Like this? Mrow!
3 Manscape?
Yes, we live in the future.
4. What's my favorite swearword?
Fuck. Here's why.
I have always said:
If you can do it, or if you Do It, then you can say it.
So if you fuck, you should be able to say fuck.
5. Have you ever been tempted to join a new age cult?
I have never been tempted to join any cult.
However, my friend Jessica has told me:
It's a really good thing that you're benevolent and not malevolent, because you would be a really good cult leader.
And I'm like, hmm.
So for a while (just in a silly mood), I thought I would look up and I see if I can buy the URL for Church of Doug.
But it's gone and I was like:
"Well, Church of Doug is gone so I'm not going to start any cults this year.
6. What is the dating scene like these days?
I went on the dating apps, and within 24 hours, 500 people were trying to date me.
That's very flattering.
In the beginning of 2023, in the first two months, I went on dates with 18 people.
Eighteen people.
And so what I found is that the dating scene is like it always was.
You go on a date, and you get to meet them. You get to know who they are, then you decide ... whatever.
For me, what I'm saying is, it's a bell curve.
There are some great people, and then a lot of people who you're cool with, and then there are some assholes.
I've gone on dates with two assholes out of 18. That's a pretty high percentage of good people.
I would say the people in the middle of the bell curve are mostly just people who, we weren't compatible, or there wasn't chemistry.
It wasn't that they were awful, it wasn't that I was awful.
So anyway, as of now, I am in the dating scene. I don't want to get any more specific than that.
7. If I could do anything again differently, what would it be?
This is an easy answer. I have answered this once before in a different video at length but I'll sum it up shortly.
When I was a kid, I was a teenage stripper.
I know that sounds amazing to a lot of you when you just go like:
Doug is just some kind of square. You know, I look like the Gorton's Fisherman or Ernest Hemingway at this point.
But the thing is that when I was a teenager, I was stripping for money, and I was getting offered a lot of money for sex and stuff with people who I wanted to have sex with anyway.
Then I had a literature teacher pull me aside one day and she said I wrote too great not to be a professional writer. She goes:
"You should get a job in journalism.
I said, "Why?"
And she said:
"Because you get money that way."
I was like: "OK."
So I thought:
Sex work or journalism? Sex work or journalism?
And I just chose journalism.
But I gave up sex work.
The question was:
If I could do anything over again?
Yes. I would have been a sex worker. There's not even a remote chance I would choose journalism over sex work again.
Absolutely, I would have done sex work.
8. When guys have a bad day or a bad week or a bad month or a bad year or a bad decade … do people tell you to smile? Or does that only happen to women? Asking for all the grievers out there.
I guess a woman's upset for the fact that men are always like:
"Hey, you should smile more."
But with women, they never tell me to smile more.
The opposite is true.
I have been told by a lot of women in my life to smile less so that I can look more intimidating or sexier, or something.
I am not kidding you 1%, and I'm not getting on women's cases at all. I'm just talking about my experience. I'm not saying women are generally like this.
I have to tell you there have been quite a few women who did not like my happy countenance, and they wanted a mean gruff man, which is my opposite.
I'm a sweetheart. I'm a lover. Look at me, I'm so friendly.
So anyway, a lot of women have told me to stop smiling, because there are a lot of women who don't want to see me having a good time, I guess.
9. Top 5 favorite movies of all-time?
Number one, number one, number one … Groundhog Day!
I love Groundhog Day. Whenever I want to make myself think I can be a better person, I watch Groundhog Day, because he has to become a better person, and that is the point of the movie.
I love it. It's hilarious.
But man, that thing makes me cry.
Number Two: Babe The Gallant Pig.
I saw it in the theater. At the end of the movie, I stood up, I looked at everybody who was applauding — applauding! — and I said:
"Was that not the best damn pig movie you ever saw?"
And everybody was like: "Yeah!"
Babe, sometimes it's my favorite film of all time. It depends.
But Babe makes me have hope in humanity and existence, and that's why I love it.
I mean it's a great film, and it's funny, and all this heartwarming stuff.
But it is the deepest, deepest film I think that's ever been made, because it gives you hope in humanity. What movie does that?
Grosse Pointe Blank, Number Three.
It's so good. I love John Cusack. I love Minnie Driver.
And sometimes I'll put on the captions and I watch it with the captions on, so I can read the script, because the script is so good.
Next: Happy-Go-Lucky.
The whole movie is in England, and she's just happy-go-lucky, nothing gets her down, even when a couple of really heavy serious things happen to her, she still just, she deals with it.
And then she just pops back up like a daisy!
Ah, I love her! I love her! And that's who I want to be!
Next: Amorous is another English film. And it's about these four city people in London and they give up their phones and give up TV and everything.
They go out and they live in this little country farmhouse, and they just have sex.
It's not a porn film though.
It's an actual good film.
There's not a ton of dialogue in it, but there's just enough. It's a short movie.
It's just about people who don't want to be a part of society anymore.
They're just like, "Can't anymore."
Escape: It's about escaping your life.
That's what it's about.
If you ever want to escape any part of your life, watch that movie and think about escaping some part of your life.
Next movie: My Best Friend's Wedding.
It's Julia Roberts in her finest performance, to me.
My favorite thing about it is all summed up near the end where Julia Roberts is in a car and she's chasing the guy she loves, and he's chasing a different girl he loves … and no one's chasing Julia Roberts.
She calls her friend on her cell phone and her friend says:
"Who's chasing you?!"
That's the point of the movie. You have to be a good enough person to get someone to chase you. That's the whole thesis for My Best Friend's Wedding.
To me, it's:
You have to be a better you, so you can have someone chase you … so you're not chasing someone who's chasing someone else.
10. Do you hang right or left?
Have you not read me? If you read me, you know I hang left.
11. What is the one and only food or dish you're OK eating for the rest of your life?
That would be cheese dip with chips, and I hate saying that, because I am like 95 percent vegan … except for cheese dip and a little bit of cheese.
And if somebody makes me like cookies or cake or something and it has milk or butter in it, I'll eat it.
It's just … cheese dip is my birthday meal I enjoy. Anybody who doesn't know that it's my birthday meal, doesn't know me at all.
12. What is your fitness routine?
Very good question. So normally, six days a week or sometimes seven, I will do weights, but I don't lift metal weights anymore.
I use these rubber weight band things and they pull the same amount of pounds.
The nice thing about weight bands is that you're not going to hurt yourself with them. People think they're going to snap. I've had two snap, but it doesn't hurt. They snap to your hand. I mean, if you're pulling them so that they'd snap across your eyeballs, then that would be stupid.
But I don't do any exercises where weight bands are going to snap across my eyeballs.
The next thing I do is I get on the treadmill and I try to run 4 miles or 4.5 miles every day, but realistically I hit 3.2 if I'm lucky.
Or I go on a walk around the neighborhood, or I'll jog.
My dermatologist was like:
"You've got to stop running outside, because someday that's going to catch up to you."
Even though, he was also like:
"You'll never get skin cancer, because you just don't have the skin for skin cancer. But still, you don't want to have to freeze sun damage marks off your face someday."
So instead of putting on lotion, which I hate, I'll wear this big hat. It's a hat that people wear when they do gardening.
I'll be running in it, and people are like "Look at that guy."
Honestly, people look at me and they smile, the drivers, because they can't believe how big my hat is, but you know what?
I love the sun, but my big hat stops the sun from destroying my face.
Oh, and then sometimes I do yoga. I've been doing yoga for 20-something years.
Sometimes I do pull-ups, but I haven't done those in probably four months, so that's not fair to say that.
13. Favorite video game of all time?
This is going to be two answers. It's not a tie, there's just two different kinds of games. There is a game that you play solo, and then there's a game that you play online.
Those are the two kinds of games. I mean, you can say there's action-adventures and all those types of genres.
But whatever. There are two kinds of games. There's a solo game offline. And an online game where you're running around with other real people.
My Number One All-Time Solo Game is the God of War series.
It is so spectacular. It looks incredible. There are these scenes where you see the character suddenly shrink down to little, but then you see in the background like these big vistas with waterfalls and stuff … man it's a beautiful game, that's the most artistic game series I think of all time.
And then on top of that, it's got all the best game mechanics, like slapping down these chains.
I mean, even the running is fun.
I've kind of burned out on the God of War series, because there been enough of them, and I've re-played a bunch of God of Wars over time.
My favorite game of all time to play online is Call of Duty.
There are other games that you're probably like, "Oh, there are better online games."
OK, that's great. I totally get it, you're probably right. But the thing about Call of Duty is, if I think about my past, the amount of time I have been on Call of Duty is way longer than any other game.
There were a couple of good Battlefield games for a while, and some other online multiplayers that I have really, really, really enjoyed, because I enjoy most games.
Most games are good at this point.
But Call of Duty is iconic to me. There's just a familiarity, but I haven't played it in a while, to be honest.
That's the end of my questions.
I love you very much. I hope you are having a super great day, mwah.
SEXDORK: What does that mean? How many seconds or minutes does it take for you to make yourself cum?
SOPHIA LOCKE: It can go really fast. It can depend. I think with clitoral stimulation, it takes me a little bit longer. But with penetration, I can cum pretty quickly. And then also I've had the luck of having a lot of good co-performers where I say, "Just like that. Keep going." And they'll keep going, and it just takes, I mean, it can be under a minute if it's the right energy. So it works out.
SEXDORK: Typically, how many times do you cum in one day?
SOPHIA LOCKE: I masturbate pretty much every night. But that's more of a boredom thing than an "I need to cum" thing. And then I would say if I'm having sex, at least a couple of times. So a couple of times a day.
SEXDORK: So you're not cumming 100 times a day or something.
SOPHIA LOCKE: No but I did do a cam show a long time ago, I was doing a Sybian show, and they paid me to cum, and I think I got in 75. By the end of it, I had to switch to different toys because my clit was raw from all of the vibration.
SEXDORK: You came 75 times-ish in one day.
SOPHIA LOCKE: Yep.
SEXDORK: What amount of time was that?
SOPHIA LOCKE: Like a couple hours maybe.
SEXDORK: So when you're having all those orgasms, are you in a kind of euphoria, or does it start to be like weird?
SOPHIA LOCKE: It starts to become torture. And that's part of why they liked it, because they liked torturing me. And that's also kind of a call back to BDSM too. I like the control within my boundaries. I like to see how far I can push myself. And I like shoots where maybe there's a little more of a pain aspect or a BDSM aspect and I like to challenge myself to see how much I can take. So it turns from pleasure to suffering in a hot way at a certain point. I don't know if that's like orgasm number 35 or 70. That was years ago. It's an interesting dynamic to see how far I can push myself. And by the end of it, I'm exhausted and cum-drunk.
SEXDORK: What is cum-drunk?
SOPHIA LOCKE: Just high from all of the orgasms. You can also get dick drunk. There's lots of drunks.
SEXDORK: I have really been around the block and I have never heard these terms.
SOPHIA LOCKE: Yeah and I'm a millennial so I shouldn't know any new terms.
SEXDORK: What is your masturbation ritual?
SOPHIA LOCKE: My Hitachi between my legs. My legs straight under the covers. It's not very sexy. You would not want to film it. But looking up porn, like tube site porn.
SEXDORK: Are you on your back or stomach?
SOPHIA LOCKE: Back. I've never humped pillows or anything like that.
SEXDORK: No bath water?
SOPHIA LOCKE: I did it for a scene recently where I did it with a shower head, but I had never done it before. And I was like, it does feel pretty good. But I like a really strong Hitachi vibration. It's the tried-and-true for years.
SEXDORK: What are the sex toys or lube you can't live without?
SOPHIA LOCKE: I prefer water-based lube. And sometimes I'll use it on set, especially if it's a long day on set. Things don't lubricate as fast, especially when you're jumping from stills to video really quickly. And the Hitachi is my main sex toy. I'll use other dildo toys but nothing compares to the Hitachi.
SEXDORK: Have you ever got that extra long attachment for Hitachi where it's got that little dial on it? It adds a dial so you can change the power.
SOPHIA LOCKE: Oh interesting. No because it's always on high. Yep.
SEXDORK: Let's say it's your birthday. What would be the perfect day you have? How many people is it? Or none? How much foreplay? What kind of foreplay? How long do you want them to last?
SOPHIA LOCKE: Are you arranging this for me? This is lovely. I expect you to take notes if you're arranging my birthday gangbang. For my last birthday, it happened to fall on a 12-girl orgy, so we turned it into my birthday orgy, and that was lovely. But I think my main kink is multiple men, so the more the merrier, and the more cum the merrier. Frost me like a cake for my birthday, right?
SEXDORK: Sounds great. How many guys, do you think? What's the perfect number of people?
SOPHIA LOCKE: The most I have done is seven and that was before I was in the industry. It was a great experience, actually. And in the industry the most I've done is five at a time. I think five is a good number. There's only so many holes to go around.
SEXDORK: And you want to be covered?
SOPHIA LOCKE: Yes I haven't done a bukkake scene. They all came, the five, on my face. But I would do a full bukkake with lots of men.
SEXDORK: What do you think you're best at? Like blowjobs or enthusiasm or some other specific thing, or an ethereal thing?
SOPHIA LOCKE: I would say attitude. I genuinely get excited about things. And I love that that comes through. And I think it elevates everybody else's experience too when you can be excited about them and I can be excited about you.
SEXDORK: That's what I always think. I always think the greatest thing you can have sexually is enthusiasm.
SOPHIA LOCKE: Absolutely. Absolutely.
SEXDORK: Like you want to be there.
SOPHIA LOCKE: Yes and I hear stories about how there are so many people who don't, or who are just there for a paycheck, which I wouldn't do it for free, I like the money aspect of it, but I generally enjoy it and I hope that comes through when you watch me.
SEXDORK: What is the perfect amount of time for a guy to last that gets you what you want but doesn't go too long?
SOPHIA LOCKE: Like 10 to 15 minutes. Yeah you do these scenes for like 45 minutes and you're like, this is way longer than I would actually have sex. I like to have that connection and let it be a lot of adrenaline and then grab some food.
SEXDORK: What's the perfect volume you want a guy to cum?
SOPHIA LOCKE: I like a lot but I don't care either way. I like it when he does.
SEXDORK: I mean there are some people who don't want to hear guys cum really loud.
SOPHIA LOCKE: Oh you mean volume. I was thinking of cum load. So the decibel level? I would say I like knowing that a guy is enjoying himself, of course. But there is a certain level when it becomes ridiculous. It becomes the porn voice but for men. Like "uhn." There's a line, and you have to find the line.
SEXDORK: I never really thought about this much but I've heard a lot of women especially say they don't want to hear too much cumming from a guy.
SOPHIA LOCKE: I would say I've heard women be more enthusiastic about hearing men enjoy themselves in general throughout the process. That's a really nice part. If you're not getting any feedback and you're down blowing somebody and you don't know if they're enjoying it, or if you're doing a good job, it's much less fun. So I like there to be some volume throughout.
SEXDORK: What kind of words do you like hearing from men?
SOPHIA LOCKE: I like pretty much everything except for bitch because bitch isn't sexual for me. But anything that is sexual, slut, whore, fuck toy, fuck doll, my main kink is objectification being used as a set of holes so anything that does that works for me. Bitch just seems too mean.
SEXDORK: So you're a sub in real life.
SOPHIA LOCKE: I typically trend toward that and I've been a little more switchy as I've gotten older. Mostly because I'm working with 20-year-olds and they're not going to dominate me, that's cute.
SEXDORK: There are a lot of people who are dommish in porn and subish at home.
SOPHIA LOCKE: I was always submissive. That's probably what triggers my happy place the most is good girl or being told what to do. I think maybe because I'm so extroverted and people assume I'm dominant by the way I speak so it's fun to kind of turn that off and give someone else the reigns.
SEXDORK: You're smart. You found your community in porn. I'm always trying to find my community while I'm not in porn. So I want to ask you how you found your community.
SOPHIA LOCKE: I started in the webcaming world after being into the BDSM community at 25 or so. So just the freedom that people have of being naked or exploring things they found really pleasurable, that maybe normal society frowned upon. That just felt like my comfort zone, I guess. That's kind of how I started with it.
SEXDORK: But how specifically did you find your community?
You didn't just go online and be like, how do I find trustworthy people who love fucking and cummimg?
SOPHIA LOCKE: Well I was really lucky in the sense that I was very excited about it and I wasn't very discerning when I first started out so I was just excited to be on FetLife. I was on that website for a while. And I was so kind of addicted to the adrenaline of BDSM that I wasn't very picky so I would go to events where I would just say, I want to experience this, so sure, you can tie me up. And I was very lucky to get out of it unscathed and to have found a good community. But it wasn't because I did it with intention.
SEXDORK: That's kind of amazing.
SOPHIA LOCKE: Yeah I got lucky.
SEXDORK: Looking back, if you were going to give advice to people looking for a community to get the sex they want, with people who don't have a shame about fucking and masturbating and cumming, what would you tell someone who's not in the business?
SOPHIA LOCKE: I have advised women to start by finding other women in the community, specifically through Twitter. It has a really nice place to sus out people who are friendly, and then it is full of women who are friendly and confident and secure and who genuinely do enjoy other women too, not just sexually but as friends. I would be able to find a community out of that because we help each other out. We warn against predators in the industry and so that's probably where I would say to start.
SEXDORK: What do you search for?
SOPHIA LOCKE: Oh gosh, you just search for other sex workers, I suppose. I wouldn't really know how to find it in your general community but at least now with OnlyFans being more of a common thing, there's a little less of a stigma so even at your workplace you might find somebody that has an OnlyFans, and you can start that way.
SEXDORK: Has having that community been everything you wanted it to be?
SOPHIA LOCKE: Absolutely.
SEXDORK: Why?
SOPHIA LOCKE: When I left the industry, I left for five years, and I went into real estate and I met some lovely people, but I couldn't fully be myself. So I think the community of people who don't have shame about their sexuality or giving themselves pleasure or sharing that with people in a consensual environment, those are just the people I connect with the most, because there isn't that judgment. I don't feel any shame. I don't feel any judgment or criticism coming from them.
SEXDORK: I'm an anti-prude. I've spent my whole life trying to figure out how to teach anti-prudes not to be prudes. Any thoughts?
SOPHIA LOCKE: I firmly believe it's not my place to change people's beliefs or behavior. All I can do is share my actual experience which I think is different, especially in the porn industry, than people think it is. Through TikTok specifically, I've had a lot of comments from people who had a different view of what this job actually is day-to-day, what kind of people do this job, the intelligence level of people who do this job, especially women. And while I might not change their views on their sexuality, I can guide them to the truth of what this profession actually is.
SEXDORK: I love your TikTok. Honestly it's so good. What's funny is I was thinking of questions to ask you and then I looked at your TikTok and you were answering a bunch of my questions. What do you think the main three or four questions you get are?
SOPHIA LOCKE: The one I get the most is from men on how to get them into the industry and it's not my place to do that, and if you have to ask me, then you're probably not going to be great at it. So I get that one a lot. I get a lot of comments about my family, "must be proud of me," in a sarcastic biting way, and I addressed that early on, on TikTok, because I lost my mom because of this industry. And I still don't regret being in it because it's so fulfilling to me.
SEXDORK: Worth losing your mom over?
SOPHIA LOCKE: It was because I learned her love was conditional. I wouldn't have known that otherwise. I didn't know there was something I could do, an action I could take, that would cause her to love me less. I would rather have that knowledge, you know what I mean? Than to be ignorantly blissful quietly doing BDSM, with nobody knowing and still have that relationship with her.
SEXDORK: But your dad is supportive.
SOPHIA LOCKE: Yes I called him when I got back in the industry and said: I wanted you to hear this before you heard it from anyone else and I know you thought I was out but I'm going back in. And he said: "Aren't you in your 30s or something? So isn't there less of a stigma? Maybe it'll help you with your singing career. You do whatever you need to do." Although I think I ruined porn for him. I don't think he watches it anymore because his daughter does it. But he's supportive of me as a human. He knows I'm really happy and he knows I'm not a victim in this industry in any way.
SEXDORK: What is the question you wish people would ask but never do? Or rarely do?
SOPHIA LOCKE: I don't think I can think of one. The first thing that comes to mind is, are you happy? But I think I exude that so much that people don't need to ask that. I think it's pretty apparent that I'm just thrilled to be here.
SEXDORK: Yeah this is the thing that radiates from you in your work and your TikTok and in person is that you are a true believer in cumming.
SOPHIA LOCKE: Yeah it's the best. And it's not even cumming. I mean I do cum really easily and that's a plus in this industry. But it's more of just the adrenaline rush of sexuality, of sharing it, making other people happy, of making that connection with people. As a true exhibitionist, I love knowing that people enjoy that and they want to see more and that drives me to produce more, honestly.
SEXDORK: Yeah I'm an exhibitionist and my therapist is always like: I think it's because of blah blah blah. And I'm like, I think it's because there's nothing better in the world than cumming and everything that comes before and everything that comes after it.
SOPHIA LOCKE: Yes literally everything!
SEXDORK: I'm like, there are people that are foodies in this country and crafts people, and we don't go, I think you're a foodie because of blah blah blah. Why can't I just be into pleasure?
SOPHIA LOCKE: Yeah. I don't know if you're this way but I've been hypersexual since I was a teenager, and so for me, I always sought out that energy, that sexual energy with people, and this way I can monetize it and it is my actual job to be slutty and to have people pay to watch me be slutty. It's a dream. It's so much better than being in an office and thinking all the thoughts and not acting on them.
SEXDORK: That's what I think. I watch you and I go: what a dream come true. You hit the genetic lottery to look like you do but you also have the willpower and lack of shame all coming together.
SOPHIA LOCKE: I appreciate that. It's funny because one thing my mom said was, who is this person I raised? I'm so disappointed. But honestly I got so much of my confidence and intelligence from her, and it has helped me succeed in this industry, and I know it would kill her to know that but I was raised really well and so it has only benefited me in pursuing it for so long.
SEXDORK: I get the feeling that when you're in porn, you're either a stepdaughter or a stepsister or a stepmom. And then you can't really have any time in between those things. There's no, like, roommates.
SOPHIA LOCKE: Right I heard it from a director who said it best which was: If you're 25 and hot, it's so much harder to book things because you don't look young enough to be a teen or stepdaughter or step sister, but you're not quite old enough to be a milf or a stepmom. So just coming back into the industry at 36 or 37, I was worried I was too old, and I got back in and they were like, no we need milfs. If you have big breasts and you're a little bit older and you have that kind of confidence with dominance, then it's really fun, and I get really a lot of fun creepy things to do.
SEXDORK: I saw on your TikTok you said one day I'm going to be a gilf.
SOPHIA LOCKE: Yes I will stay in this industry until someone drags me out of it kicking and screaming. because I already lost it once and I'm so lucky to have anyone care that I'm back. I want to hold on to it and I want to grow it in a way that is sustainable long-term. I'm happy to play a pervy Nana.
SEXDORK: I love that so much. When anybody ever talks about step porn to me, I'm always like, first of all step porn with the audio off is called porn. Second of all, step porn is almost the only porn that has story now.
SOPHIA LOCKE: Interesting. I don't watch a lot of highly produced porn actually, I just do it.
SEXDORK: What do you think the appeal is of step?
SOPHIA LOCKE: I don't know. I do enjoy it but it's not what I look up. My theory is it is just taboo enough to get people excited but like you said, you can skip past the dialogue and it would be just like any other porn. So it's not so extreme with the fetishes that you can't get off on it, if you're not necessarily into it.
SEXDORK: Last thing. Where is the main place people can go to find you?
SOPHIA LOCKE: I would say the best thing to do is Google me, and my OnlyFans is The Sophia Locke. But if you Google, not only do you get my social media, which everyone is shadow banned so it's hard to search, you also get my porn.
SEXDORK: And what do you want them to do once they find you?
SOPHIA LOCKE: I want them to stroke their cocks, please, thank you. That's the idea right? That's what we're doing.
